This is a question sent in by Tricia on the “Ask Aaron Anything” link:
Does it say in the Bible that the man is supposed to work and the woman is supposed to stay home with the kids? If so, where?
My Answer:
This is a good question but tough in todays society. Not many people want to talk about the roles of men and women in scripture. We all do not need to be family therapists to recognize that the fabric of the families in our country is falling apart. We do not want to change, we just want to complain. I think this is a huge reason why families are being destroyed. Fathers and mothers are not taking rightful place in the home and the children suffer. I will say this; I believe the biggest damage to families in our day is that parents are fighting to still have their individual lives and still be doing “my thing”. They do not want to humble themselves and live for God, for their family, and for others. I do believe, not in a legalistic way but in a scriptural/family oriented way, that the father needs to rise up to protect and provide for his family and the mother’s main focus should be to nurture and care for the home.
This will be a huge debate because everyone will have their excuses and reasons for why they do what they do, but I am talking ideally. We need to fight to maintain biblical roles in our marriages and families not so we can be glorified but that Christ will be. In my family Dana has worked but as soon as we had children we fought to keep her home so that our children would be taken care of. I think it should be the planned ideal situation for every family and I think the bible displays that kind of home life.
This is a video addressing this question with some scripture and straight forward insight:
very well said Pastor! And Pastor Marks Peasant Pincess series was very eye opening! Mel told me that me and Ryan should listen to it and we did. After we listened to it, changes were made. lol much needed changes!
Good answer:) We have been to MARS before and hear him speak about this subject..
This was great Pastor! Raising our children is a huge responsibility, that should not be taken lightly. A gift from God that should not be thrown to the wayside. The Lord has changed my heart towards my children, really seeing them as my first ministry. Planting Gods word in their hearts. It is hard without the Lord to humble ourselves and live for others. There are some creative ways to live without being selfish. Some are sacrifices.
Thank you ladies for the responses… it means a lot to hear positive from some moms who know the value. Thanks for the perspective.
Good stuff. 1st God 2nd wife 3rd mom… I know what you mean but I just wanted to make sure nothing comes before God. Thanks for the comments and all the support it is better coming from you all then me for sure.
Can I PLEASE nominate you to come teach my marriage/courtship class at ASU?…I have gotten some of the most dirtiest looks from people when I speak up about how I feel about topics like the above. The class knows I'm Chrisitian and they still think "im stuck in the 1950's" (i just think im in the Word) but this post was AWESOME. I think I may e-mail this link to my professor so he doesn't think I'm the only one left in the world that thinks moms should stay home with children…and sex should be saved for marriage (which is another topic but is biblical as well).
Yes aaron really well put!!!
Hey cousin. Interesting post. You know, I have some thoughts on this subject, but I'd really like to hear a bit more of your thoughts about the topic and its related ideas before responding. First, I'd love you know what your thoughts are on the matter of married Christians having kids in the first place – i.e. Do you feel that it's Biblically mandated that those who are married (and Christian, and able to do so) have children? Do you feel that it's God's plan that a Christ-centered marriage includes children as part of the 'family'? When you talk about a mother staying home and caring for the home, does that negate the idea of working FROM home? Are you talking about mothers working full time? Or does this include freelance/part time type work?
As I said, I'd love if you could provide a bit of context for some of your statements so I can get a better idea where you stand on the issue as a whole.
This is a really tough topic for me because I have a lot of questions and feelings of inadequacy about this.
(1) I will most likely never have children – I'm okay with that, but I have begun to wonder if the Lord is okay with that. (2) I have a husband who is unable to support our household financially.
In our relationship we almost have what most would call a role reversal. It works for us, but I don't know how biblically sound it is and I can't say that I'm necesarrily "satisfied" with this arrangement, but it is what it is.
I just wonder if I'm less than, as a woman, because I'm not a mother? Is it sinful that I don't take care of the domestic and household duties, and don't feel the NEED to take care of these things because my husband doesn't work, and he does them?
Leslie, you do not need to live under condemnation. I know you desire God to be over every area of your life and that is a good and unselfish desire and one that God is pleased with. I want to point out one thing here. You having a child or having your husband work is not going to make your house in order. It will be your husband meeting Jesus and having Your husband desiring to be that kind of man because it is what He sees in scripture and what God desires.
I will say this role reversal is tuff because it never satisfies it just functions. First things first… Lets keep praying for your husband that the holy spirit would regenerate his heart and that God would use you as a example of Jesus to him. I will pray for you on what steps you can take to see 1 Peter 3 accomplished in your life. So let all condemnation be removed and lets pray for the first thing first. Love you girl and I am blessed to know you!!
My cousin laurel hitting me up online… What up girl? Thanks for the comment/question. Like I said in my post I am not a legalist and I do not want to get caught in a trap of trying to figure out what is ok and what is not ok for each family. I think as long as the roles are right in the home and the wife/mother is homeward focused and raising her children then if she works from home or freelance then it could be great blessing all the way around but it needs to not be the focus. The biggest thing that I have found for couples that get married is a desire to have a great home and family but no desire to be unselfish. They still want to keep there lives fully in tact and and not sacrifice anything and the children become a hinderance instead of a blessing. Selfishness destroys families!
Now the other part do I feel it is God's plan for Christian couples to have children? This is a tuff one because I have a lot of friends who have the biblical desire to have a baby and can not and then some who will not get married but are having children left and right. I will try and answer this… I believe that reproduction is a very biblical desire and that when someone is married it is a very natural expression of there love to be fruitful and multiply. When God created man and woman he put a created purpose in them, "be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth." I think in our culture children have been viewed as a burden and not a blessing… This is reflected in our relationship with Jesus. Most Christians feel no responsability to reproduce spiritually by leading someone to Jesus or to disciple a spiritual child. It is to much hassle, work, and we are too busy. I think it is sad that we want to grow and multiply our money, careers, house size, ect. and you never hear people saying this is to much responsibility to have much money, or too much work, too big of a house but you do hear people think that a child is too much of a burden. We can see what our desires and priorities are money, careers, houses, ect. I think biblical priorities and worldly priorities are way different.
Ahh, yes yes. I'm glad you clarified. I felt a strong knee-jerk reaction to the video that was posted (not as much in your answer, though the video was used as a conduit in this case), and so I wanted clarification on a few things to be sure I wasn't misunderstanding your intent.
I agree with you now that you've expounded upon your original answer. Obviously, I'm someone who is in a very different phase of life, living a very different TYPE of lifestyle (meaning, single, Christian, working in an industry that is typically devoid of Christian influence). I would love to get married someday and the idea of children isn't something I've really considered yet because I'm just not THERE. But I also love my job and the talents that God has blessed me with in terms of art (writing, photography, etc). I have an equal burden on my heart for the industry and the creative professionals in it, and for the idea of family, for fulfilling certain Biblical roles that we were created for. Obviously, it can seem like these two ideals would be in disagreement with one another if one were to be quite legalistic about the faith. But for now, they are more or less in harmony with one another in that I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be doing the Lord's work.
All that to say, I think that the Lord prepares us for whatever role we take on, be it professionally or a marriage/family situation, and I do believe that the passions I have for my job are there for a reason and don't just go away if I decide to have children. They'll just be expressed differently than before.
Hi! Wow, what a great discussion! If I could, I'd like to add Proverbs 31 to the mix. The "ideal" woman, as we've portrayed her, not only takes care of her household but is an entrepreneur as well, making products & selling them, buying & selling real estate, and even developing that real estate to make it productive & profitable. Give it a read…
And to all you moms who feel condemned and/or belittled by the world's view of your values, I say "do not grow weary in doing well". If you are doing what you believe God called you to do, it doesn't matter what anyone outside your sphere of spiritual guidance and influence has to say about it. The quality of your childrens' childhood, and the quality of character they develop as a result of your intimate involvement in their lives will FAR outweigh any criticism the world may have! Kudos to you who sacrifice a bit of lifestyle to accept the most difficult job of all and reap a reward far more valuable than a newer car or a few more square feet of house!
Yeah girl… I hope you do not want to have kids right now! You need to get married first… LOL. Love you cousin and very proud of the work you are doing.
Peasant Princess should be mandatory viewing (and active viewing/asking and answering questions to each other) for all couples who have not seen it, even married couples….in my humble opinion
I can't express how much I disagree with this assesment. The idea that a man that stays home with his children while his wife works being worse then an unbeliever. Wow I don't even know what to say. That is some crazy interpretation and a limited view of taking care of your family. Seems we are getting away from Jesus and who he is when we start to mandate who should stay home and who should work. I guess I'm just not drinking the koolaid but you already knew that I'm sure. I love you man and love reading these posts but a strongly disagree, strongly
Wow. james. way to quench the thread! Haha… JK! BUT… it's not an "idea". it's scripture.
1 Timothy 5:8
"If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
I'm just curious that if you believe we have "interpreted" this incorrectly, how do you "interpret" this very clear statement made by Paul? It is obviously directed towards men (his/he). I just don't know how else you could flip this without saturating it in a social/cultural mindset.
And I don't know what "koolaid" we're drinkin' (other than Christ and Him crucified), but I hope we keep doing it, cuz we're seeing lives changed left and right! LOL!!
love you, James. Tell the Kate Hi for me!
Sorry I don't know how this works, I posted another comment instead of replying to this. Chalk it up to my ignorance. If you look at the context of the scripture you have there the whole bit before is talking about widows and how to properly deal with them. Is it your thought that it then deals with fatherhood for the last part and then goes back to widows? Or is Paul still talking about the widows in your family that need to be provided for, looked after, cared for. Either way just looking at this from a monetary view is a limited view. We have more ways to provide then just earning money. That is where I am coming from in my disagreement with the interpretation of the scripture. I know you didn't mean it but your reply struck me as condecending to me and that may just be because that is how my comment struck you. I am sorry if it did, I just wanted to repsectfully disagree with an interepretation of scripture that I felt was incorrect. Not trying to be controversial just trying to add to the conversation.
In no way way did I mean to condescend or attack, james. I love you, you gotta know that. I appreciate your input, it's just hard for me to understand. That's all. I fully recognize that there are more ways to provide beyond money. I do feel like I am providing for my children by staying home with them. I am providing the nurture and upbringing of a mother that is essential to their well-being. I am not limiting provision to only mean monetarily, but I am most definitely including it. The verse in Timothy is, as I understand it, talking about how the men of the church are to provide for the widows (those without men in their homes). Paul is reiterating, the importance of them taking care of their families, especially his own home, in addition to taking on the widows of other men. So, I don't think he (Paul) takes a break from his teaching about widows to address the fathers and then returns to widows. I believe it's the same concept, same admonition… he just wants to be sure that they are taking care of their own families first. That's why he then goes onto the qualifications of what sort of widow to add to the list of support. But the point is that it is the men who are to take on this responsibility. It is their role.
I recognize that there are often circumstances that prohibit women from staying home, and, for a season, sometimes it's what has to be done. But as a permanent arrangement, I do believe that the children suffer without a mother in the home. It seems that most of the time when this happens, it is to maintain a lifestyle that is comfortable, but not necessary. We would do a lot better by sacrificing our comfort, living at a more modest standard. I don't understand mother's having babies for other people to raise.
I'm not saying that once you become a mother than you should never work again. I hope that once all my kids are in school full-time that I can work again. And until then I try to pick up as much as I can do out of my house that doesn't interfere with my time with them or other household responsibilities. I've seen too many mom's who try to replace time missed with their kids with material things purchased out of guilt. I'm not trying to be close-minded or obtuse, I just really, really believe that this is how women were built. I believe with all that I am, that we are designed to be homeward-focused and that the men are meant to be hunters and gatherers.
I'm not sure if this has cleared anything up, or just made it more confusing!! But I too, am purely in conversation mode with this response James. I apologize if my last post seemed harsh or offensive in any way. It was not my intention. Let's be friends!
Hey Christy, sorry about ending the good vibe, that wasn't my intention. Do you feel like you provide for your family by staying home with your kids. Another translation has "Take care of" and another translation has this phrase "Anyone who neglects to care for family members in need repudiates the faith" My issue is that it is an incorrect interpretation of the passage and a bit of trying to justify a personal view with a biblical passage that doesn't fit. The koolaid comment was directed to this issue and not LCC, I think you guys are on fire and doing the kingdom and I proud of the lives that are changed there. Please take no disrespect to my comments as I meant none and only have an issue with this issue and this passage. I hope that is still OK to disagree and not have it mean any more than that. Again thanks for the follow up, I will tell Kate Hi and you give Josh a big kiss for me.
James it is ok to disagree as long as you know that I am always right… LOL. These questions are always hard for me to answer because I hang in the balance of do I just say what people what to hear or do I answer what I see as biblical. There is no place in scripture that displays family any other way so I can not just modernize something because I have friends and family that may not agree. I love you all dearly and I am just trying to stay faithful to scripture. There is much devastation in the Family in modern times and I believe it is because we have strayed so far way form God's original plan. I believe that men and women are equal image bears of God but are created with very different roles and equipped with very different gifts to fulfill those tasks. I think that when we stay as close to the original as possible the better off we are.
I think it is narrowed down to this a husband is to provide and protect and wife is to be homeward focused and nurturing. Now how that plays out in each home is between God and that family. I know men who work from home and women who do side jobs and I am not a legalist running around making sure that everyone is following a set of rules but that we are embracing God's word as truth and not as destructive. He did not set up the family this way to destroy but to bless… we must trust Him. I want to say that I do not have a problem with posting peoples disagreements which I know some blogs do not allow (if you look around this site you will see a bunch of them)… but just like james said it is OK to disagree and not in mean more then that. So james thanks for stating your disagreement.
wow….what good stuff!
Anyone ever pondered this for a moment? That feminism is the worship of women? I'd be willing to support the statement. Think about it. I don't think there were any Biblical feminists. (I hope anyone who begs to differ understands there's a clear difference between a feminist mindset and just wanting women to not be opressed or thought of as less important unlike medieval times…which we're centuries past….)
P.S. "I believe that men and women are equal image bears of God but are created with very different roles and equipped with very different gifts to fulfill those tasks"
AMEN!!! How people need to get a grasp on that!!
What about those of us who have worked our entire lives and came home for a time being but our children are now back in school? My husband doesn't make enough to support an entire family even for our mobile home. We barely make enough to live. What about college for the kids? What about savings? I'm working part time right now and my 16 year old son watches my 10 year old daughter for a few hours while they are out of school. What happens when you live in California where everything is so expensive it really takes two incomes in order to make it here? I can't move out of state because of my children's father.
Rebecca, I am praying for you and your family. I am not a sure what the right thing for you to do is but pray and ask God for wisdom and provision. I do not want to set a list of rules for you that was not the point of the answer but I would like to challenge you to pray and see what scripture says and in view of God's mercy and with his strength be obedient. Blessings on you and your family!
Thank you for answering Pastor. I just want to know what "keeper of the home" means? I will continue to look at both the greek and hebrew core of those words for more definition. Because Proverbs 31 gave a pictures of a very hard working keeper of the household and balanced buying, purchasing and running her home – she sounded like a major business woman and delegated the household duties properly. I want to do the same and honor God's original design. My question is what is the real difference between working in your home (cooking, cleaning, etc) and doing things that still take away from your children (such as TV, computer, play dates, etc) and going to work and taking away your children? I don't mean to be a stickler in this but in "keeping the home" are we not supposed to raise our children to grow within this world? King Soloman's mother raised him and yet she had people who assisted her in the daily activities so she could prepare him for his future role. If my children are going to be forced to work in order to make ends meat (both my son and daughter), wouldn't it be important for me to lead as an example to my children? To show them how to bless their employer? To show them how to live in this world but not be of this world? How do you teach a child to be a light in the darkness if you hide them away from society and do not "show" them the lies they are being taught (against the word of God) in media, school, politics and they very culture they live in. We need to show them the truth in God's word and how He lived in the midst of an anti-christ culture. Just like Daniel. Just like David. Just like Moses, Joseph, Elijah, Jonah, Abraham, Isaac, Deborah, Rahab, Ezekiel. In my biblical studies, women really worked HARD. No, they didn't get "paid" for their work because society never allowed that opportunity. But how is working today for a paycheck and using the modern conveniences that we have to save time? It used to take all day long to wash clothes. Now it takes a few hours. It used to take all day long to cook a meal. Now it's under 30 minutes. Are the "home-makers" of the day getting deep into the word of God and teaching those truths to their children? Are they showing them how in a seed is the entire DNA of the tree, just as in the beginning of the bible (the first five books) is the DNA of the entire story of God? What if I teach them both? Teach them truth and how to bring that truth into the world all the while preparing them to live life in the culture they have been born. I'm not a feminist with the need to work. But I think that the definition of "keeper of the home" has changed because of the culture we live in. Being home with my kids is important. But I wonder if I cut out all TV, computers and entertainment (including too many church activities) and spent the remaining 8 hours (8 hours for sleeping, 8 hours of work) towards studying God's word and raising my children in the truth. Just wanted to provoke some thought.
Rebecca we obviously have very different views on scripture. I think as we read scripture we must be careful not make scripture fit our circumstances but to pray that our circumstances fit scripture. As you can see in this thread of comments people get very passionate about this and I am not trying to do situational theology I am just trying to answer the way I see it in scripture. I pray God's blessing on you and your family. I will pray for you as you study and hear from God. Blessings.