This is a question sent in by wondering on the “Ask Aaron Anything” link:
The bible says that we are to honor our father and mother, but I was wondering, What does honoring in tale, because we are dealing with Parents that continuously choose not honor our union as husband and wife. How do you stand up to Parents who think that they should still be in control of your life, or should be an active role in your union with your spouse, and think that their opinions, and their place is more valuable then your spouses. What do you do when you have brought these issues forward and they point blank will not change or are willing to admit to them. There has to be a point of separation, but how do you do that with honor and respect. With out hurting people you deeply love.
My Answer:
(JUST A NOTE: THIS ANSWER DOES NOT APPLY TO TEENAGERS OR CHILDREN WHO ARE LIVING AT HOME WITH MOM AND DAD)
Ephesians 6:2 – “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise) The biblical definition for honor – show respect, give recognition, often implying action to show that honor. The question is, is there a way to not listen to your parents and stand up to your parents without disrespecting them? FOR SURE!!! If they are your parents you need to be the one to respectfully put them in their place. If they are followers of Jesus you can appeal to them on that level, if they are not you are going to have to be a little more creative. Now let me give you a few thoughts. You asked two questions here… (1) What does it mean to honor? (2) How can I not hurt them?
(1) To honor them means to respect their position and what they did for you. To recognize the sacrifice they made and how much they love you and did for you. Now honoring them does not mean worship them or obey them. You are now in a covenant where you are one flesh with your husband and that must be protected. Your relationship has changed but can still be respectful.
(2) You will have to hurt them. Not in a mean and disrespectful way but you will have to hurt them and set some boundaries. Do not make your husband do it because then they will think that he is trying to ruin your relationship with them. You be the one to sit down (not in the middle of a fight but in a time of peace) and tell them what you see and what is going to happen. Be firm and confident, make sure you affirm how much you love them and respect them, and tell them that you are not going to allow it anymore.
This is not easy but it is common, may the Lord bless you as you fight for authentic, loving, Godly relationships. I wish I could give you play by play but each situation is so different. I hope this helps. Anyone have any ideas?
" Anyone have any ideas?"
Nope, well put Pastor. Can't think of a single thing
I know exactly how you feel, my parents are also crazy, It is a difficult situation to be in, I have a boyfriend of 2 yrs , very good guy and my parents are interfering with our relationship, as far as I can tell it seems that they are jealous of all the time I spend with my boyfriend and want to see me a lot and try to control my life! My dad says that he does not respect him, but my boyfriend has done nothing but respect them and take good care of their daughter, We are soon to get married and I do not want to have to deal with the constant stress that my parents dish out to me…..my boyfriend I know feels that same and you are right that there needs to be a cut off point, it is not fair, I am a grown woman and need to be happy and live my life! As for advice I can't really say, because I am in the same boat and am struggling to resolve the situation!
Good Luck and let me know what happens! Oh and also I have sat down and talked to them lots of times and they just don't get it! They keep saying things like, we raised you, we are your parents, ect….it still gives them no right to try to ruin my life and stress me out like they do!!!