This is a question sent in by anonymous on the “Ask Aaron Anything” link:
What level of abuse would justify breaking your church membership covenant and going to another church? At what point do you become an enabler for dysfunctional behavior?
My Answer:
This is really a great question. This Sunday at Life Connection Church we talked about unity based out of Ephesians 4. We live and minister in a church hopping/church splitting society and this is a real, everyday question. I do not want to make it sound like there is never a time where you could be led by God or released by God from the covenant of membership you are in at your, or any other, local church. But I will say this, I do not think it is as frequent or simple as it seems to be in our society. I know that there are times when it is time to move on. I would leave over things like unrepentant sin in leadership, false teaching, or when real needs are being ignored, and the list could probably go on.
I would say that my advice to you would be to handle it with “all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:2-3) Make sure your heart and actions are in line with the gospel and reflectant of Jesus.
The decision to leave should always be done carefully, prayerfully, and with communication with the church leaders to see if things can be worked out. Do not just disappear from the church unless there is abuse and communication is dangerous.
This is a hard one to answer with out being in that situation. So pray a lot, walk in humilty, be full of grace and truth, and let Christ be exalted.
I also wanted to add a list from Joshua Harris‘ book, “Stop Dating the Church” on questions you should ask when deciding on a church to go to. I thought this list was well thought out and helpful.
- Is this a church where God’s Word is faithfully taught?
- Is this a church where sound doctrine matters?
- Is this a church in which the gospel is cherished and clearly proclaimed?
- Is this a church committed to reaching non-Christians with the gospel?
- Is this a church whose leaders are characterized by humility and integrity?
- Is this a church where people strive to live by God’s Word?
- Is this a church where I can find and cultivate Godly relationships?
- Is this a church where members are challenged to serve?
- Is this a church that is willing to kick me out?
- Is this a church I’m willing to join “as is” with enthusiasm and faith in God?
I love this Aaron. I've been reading a lot on the covenant relationship of Romans 12. It says we belong to one another, members of each other.
yeah that is good Jorge. Miss you brother.
Good word. About a year and a half a ago we left the church we had been on staff at and before we did, we sought council from an elder at another church in the city and he gave some of the best Godly advice on this. He told us that when we left, to do so in a way where we could show up unannounced at any time in the future and still be embraced and welcomed.
We took that advice and still have some amazing relationships from there.
Mavi,
Thanks girl for the advice. Great to see you on the blog. Tell andrew what up for me!
I love your answer to this question, it is not ever easy to change churches, most of the time you have allot of friendship that are a direct connection to the church your attending, the fear of loosing those friendship i think always play a huge role in your finial choice. However if there is anything i can truthfully say its that it is always most important for you to be where God wants you…i think what pastor said about being spirit lead in your decision to leave a church is the most important, because most times it is a point of hurt or forgiveness that needs to be worked through, reconciliation is most important. And also biblical it says in the word to go to your brother.. If that attempt has been made and you can see that there is not an option for full healing in the relationship that's when you are for sure faced with the hard decision of leaving.
I also really really like the list of questions, These are really good questions for evaluation. They are tuff questions and really bring to light allot of more serious problems that could be the ultimate point of thier discomfort that someone might feeling but can't put there finger on just what it is. All the way around i love your answer for this question PA.
Amber, Thanks girl. I like that of 10 evaluation points I think it give biblical reasons for finding a church. My favorite point is "Is this a church that is willing to kick me out?" that is an important point i think. I think that one eliminates most churches. LOL. I am not saying we want to kick you out I was just saying… LOL I like that point.
By the way i hope you and regular commenters on my blog will sign up for intense debate accounts so I do not have to approve your comments all the time they will just go straight through. Every person take 3 min and sign up for a intense debate account.