This is a question sent in by anonymous on the “Ask Aaron Anything” link:
I attended the service today at LifeConnection Church. Women are supposed to submit to men, giving love in order to receive love. I have a friend, Christian and strong with the Word of God, who has personal difficulties handling this command. She is a very independent young woman and she says that she does not want to get married in fear that she won’t have that control. She says “What if there is a girl who wants respect? Who doesn’t want to be a ‘step-below’ men, just because of her gender.” I do not know how to reply to this in fear of giving her the wrong message. Do you have any clue what I should say to her? I had her read Ephesians 5, however, that was no help. Thanks.
My Answer:
(The Link to the message preached that spurred this question)
Brother I think this is an issue of the heart that the Holy Spirit will have to work on. Submission does not come naturally it is a spirit lead, Christ reflected trait. My thing with a man trying to convince a woman to submit is that it may not be the best move. Just a correction to your question, it is not all women submit to all men it is wives submit to your own husband. She needs to get that worked out in her heart before she gets married. If she loves God and His word then she will submit to Him and His word. My practical advice, as I told another brother with a similar question, is to, as a man, not try and have this talk with her let her connect to an older woman of God who can help her.
Titus 2:3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
I know you want her to obey the word but I think this is a lesson that you can not teach her. It is going to have to come from the Holy Spirit inspiring the word and empowering her spirit, worked out in discipleship from another woman of God.
The misconception is that by her not being submitted to a husband that she isn't submitted to something or someone else. We all submit to something, either God or an idol. Sounds like she may be submitted to pride and self-worship. We all place ourselves under the authority of something, this follows with the concept of unceasing worship. That we are continuously worshipping, it's just a matter of we worship God or something else.
great point. Submission is a theme that runs throughout all scripture can not really hide from it.
I think there's a bigger issue behind all this: Lordship. Once this young woman is able to surrender and allow Jesus to be Lord of her life, she'll find out the joy of His order. I think the control-fear is a symptom of hardship, possible abuse, etc. But her first place of healing is with Jesus. When the vertical relationship is solid, it'll put male-female relationships in a new perspective.
Heather,
That is real good stuff. That is why I think a solid woman of God should walk her through some of that. Great insight.
Heather is the bomb digitty with these types of scenario and I completely agree with Kyle as well. I want my daughters to marry Christ first, fall in love with Him so that once their husbands make their way into their lives they will have the proper perspective. I think we should not utilize the word submission with the world's definition just like we can't expect what is "fair" here on earth to be the same "fair" in God's eyes. My advice would be to marry a man whom you KNOW is submitted to Christ and from that you will have the respect that your heart desires and much much more that you are not even considering right now. I had someone tell me once that a woman's heart should be hidden so deep in Christ that a man must know Christ first to find her.
"giving love in order to recieve love" That's wrong. that's not love at all. If we're brutally honest, that's a disgusting twisted attempt at control and manipulation.
If Jesus waited to recieve our love before giving His, He'd still be chillin in heaven waitin today lol.
Love does not require anything in return. If you have to give love to recieve it, then the love you're recieving is conditional, not unconditional, and if you need love to give yours, then yours isn't genuine love at all, or even love at all.
I'd reccommend meditating/praying on 1 Corinthians 13